//my body, my altar//

my becoming

Two years, two lifetimes

some things we speak. some we bury. some we burn. some move through us quietly—until they’re ready to be witnessed. i’ve held this grief for a long time. the release is here. it arrived like breath—unexpected, sacred, right on time. this full moon marks two years. two miscarriages. two seasons of silent grieving. two lifetimes of pain. i’ve mothered through dreams, through tears, through aching prayers. and still, i am becoming. still, i am listening to what my body knows. release doesn’t always come when we ask for it. but when it does—it’s holy. it lives in the breath, the ritual, the remembering. it lives in the choice to stay with ourselves, even in the ache. this is mine. my prayer. my becoming. clear. raw. whole. this is my blood prayer.

A ritual of release + return

my blood prayer

i am stepping into my truth—
whatever the mirrors of my Self reflect back to me.

i am sad.
but that’s okay.
and still—
it doesn’t touch the surface.

i feel off.
i question everything.
why is this not for me?
my mind fills in the blanks,
dark with doubt + ache.

this is the threshold.
the shadow place.

so i bleed.
i shed.
and maybe that’s the ritual.
maybe that’s the sign.

i am stepping into the blood of my choices.
it sounds dramatic.
but it is.

because all i have ever wanted is to be a mother.

i am stepping into motherhood—
but my heart pangs.
i want to cry hysterically.
because deep down, i know…
something.
the voices stare back at me.
eyes in the night.

i feel afraid.
afraid i may never carry.
afraid i may never birth.
afraid i may never raise the child i already feel inside me.

and my heart breaks.
again.
again.

i want to leave this fear behind—
but how do you release what you’ve never fully held?

i am stepping into kissing fear goodbye—
right on her lips.
soft.
sensual.
i turn her on.
i let her see me.
i am invincible.

i am stepping into uninhibited honesty.
intuition or nothing.

may i be healthy.
may i be happy.
may i be blessed.
with these favors, these fortunes.

i am stepping into a world where i am already a mother—
and yet, the ache still rises.

yes, i have mothered.
yes, i have loved.
yes, i have lost.
but it is not the same.

and my body knows it.
and my breath reminds me.
and my spirit says:
just keep breathing.

i am stepping into trusting my body.
i am stepping into becoming.
i am stepping into the most divine, aligned
+ authentic version of me.

i am stepping in to be.

a devotional offering

i share this as a devotional offering. a prayer from my body to yours. a witness. a release. for anyone holding quiet grief, for those carrying questions in the body— you are not alone. you are worthy of tenderness. you are allowed to let go. my studio is open. the sessions are gentle. you’re invited to come as you are. sending love always.

𝘹𝘹